tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9825945445672541622024-03-13T19:51:14.714-07:00ExFundamentalist***The rants of a former fundamentalist, poorly illustrated in MSpaint.***Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-86465214717587322742011-11-14T10:49:00.000-08:002011-12-31T19:06:23.782-08:00Culture Shock<span style="font-size:130%;">Confession: The first time I heard rap music I cried. I had know idea that such music existed or why they were so angry. I couldn't stomach how anyone could say things that were so explicit. Over time, I realized that music was an expression of experiences of the artist. Not everyone grew up the same way, with the same type of neighbors and the same type of lifestyle. I still wonder why my parents let me out on my own. I was ill prepared for the real world. I was book smart, with zero street smarts. I was soooo green and trusting, on an epic level. After all, why would someone lie to me, isn't that a sin? This led to me being the butt of quite a few pranks. I have to take blame for some of it, because sometimes it was deserved.<br /><br />There is a false safety net in fundamentalism. As a female, you are generally protected and shielded. You are raised to think your only purpose in life is to get married & bear children. If everything goes according to plan, you leave the headship of home, to the headship of a husband. My circumstances dictated I did not take this path.<br /><br />What happens when slot A doesn't fit into slot b? Probably a midlife crisis.<br /></span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eVPCtlapo_E/Tv_NOZBl4qI/AAAAAAAAALM/FpbGb16bQIU/s1600/BL_hindsight.bmp" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 317px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eVPCtlapo_E/Tv_NOZBl4qI/AAAAAAAAALM/FpbGb16bQIU/s320/BL_hindsight.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5692494101139022498" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-83914317347251788222011-07-06T01:50:00.000-07:002011-12-31T18:59:18.770-08:00I'm not familiar with that term<font size="4">Sheltering and avoiding contact with the world is an important part of christian growth. I ate, slept and lived the fundie lifestyle. The outside world was scary, wicked and ungodly. My brain magically repressed that only a few years prior, I had actually lived in the real world. Soulwinning was my main contact with normal society. Every. Single. Saturday.<br /><br />During my stint to be the bestest of the best, I went through a No TV phase. I grew up quite sheltered as a child, so TV free wasn't a hard transition. I don't even have cable now. When I do watch TV, my attention span is so short that I usually stick to 30min comedies/animation. **Nerd alert** One of the reasons I probably don't watch much TV, is because I'm a bit OCD on finishing the entire series.<br /><br />After soulwinning, we often traded stories about the people we came in contact with. One hot button issue was the separation of male/female. This day the guys had an undetermined sex the door. A few jokes were cracked about not being able to tell which gender the person was. And then it happened.<br /><br />I listened to a church member tell a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBLDBDFRp6E" target="blank">story that was almost verbatim</a> from "Family Guy". His friend had mistakenly got into an argument with a man who turned out to be a woman. Not only was his story, not true (lying ass), If I admitted I knew where it was from, then I would be admitting that I was familiar with the all too secular show. What's a fundie to do when Two Worlds Collide??? Of course, I did the polite thing and smiled at his little story. Now please excuse me as I try to pretend that this lady isn't a hottie.<br /><br /></font><div style="text-align: left;"><font size="4"><a href="http://twitter.com/katemoennig" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 250px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VqcaV2D20j8/Tv3qo7UFgoI/AAAAAAAAALA/pd64o8KeZsk/s320/KMhat.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691963492903780994" border="0"></a></font></div><div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"><font size="4"><font size="1">http://twitter.com/katemoennig</font><br /></font></div><font size="4"><br /></font>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-54688707653765557932011-06-23T11:31:00.000-07:002011-06-23T11:45:44.147-07:00Are you ever gonna update?<span style="font-size:130%;">You know, I really need to quit starting blog posts, and then <strike> procrastinating</strike> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGH7lL9GYyc" target='_blank'>wearing my Not Pants</a> and finally posting a month later. Yea, I'll work on that. There's also another post between this one, too.<br /></span>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-12179917726223154302011-06-22T18:55:00.000-07:002011-06-27T21:34:24.408-07:00Eddie Haskell style Christianity<span style="font-size:130%;">I love '<a href="http://www.tvland.com/shows/leave-it-to-beaver/full-episodes" target="_blank">Leave it to Beaver</a>'. If you've never watched it, you probably won't get the title reference. However since 83.7% of fundamentalists* long for an idealist American family life set in the 1950's, I'm sure you can relate. It dawned on me that many christians are like good ole' Edward G. Haskell. This is the guy with such a huge overactive sense of self worth, he makes<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0y2xuQmcAg" target=_blank> Kanye West </a>look humble. Their behavior in front of others is all about one upping you to oblivion. They are winners. You must acknowledge it, and feel below average. If your kid was saying the alphabet at age two, their kid was reading Shakespeare at age two. Your kid has a piano recital, his created an original musical score for the local church. Blah, blah, freakin, blah. (This is about the time you're ready to introduce them to an holy right hook.) Not only that, they have a level of passive aggressiveness that is legendary. Of course, you may not always know this fact. You just wonder why their casserole at the church potluck always tastes funny.....</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><br />*Made up statistic. Blank Certificate via 123certificates.com.</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jim0VA0NKCw/TglVcn1fzrI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/PRHUovWkTH4/s1600/certofapp1.jpg" target="_blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 212px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jim0VA0NKCw/TglVcn1fzrI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/PRHUovWkTH4/s320/certofapp1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623119559966838450" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-66769928741131243932011-05-23T18:56:00.000-07:002011-06-23T11:00:39.324-07:00Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so blue<span style="font-size:130%;">My interpersonal skills suck. Growing up, everyone thought I was just 'shy' and would eventually come out of my shell. It wasn't until I left fundamentalism that I finally decided to get help. I have social anxiety disorder. (Finally, a medical reason for my aloof, assoholic ways explained.) Religion in general places a huge emphasis on perfection. I wonder how many fundies are struggling to maintain a pure image? Outwardly pretending everything is great with false smiles to cover up the insecurity inside. I used to think I could pray away the KRAZY. After all, if god wanted us to have mental illnesses, he would've handed them out at alter call. Why is mental illness often overlooked, downplayed or demonized in religion? Religious logic deems that "God has given us a sound mind", 2 Tim 1:7 should be enough to handle any postpartum, post traumatic stress, or post wtfhaveigottenmyselfinto depression any christian faces. If the fundie prays hard enough, and all unconfessed sin in their life is accounted for, then surely everything will be fine. With prayer, meekness and a quiet spirit, they can do everything the right way at the right time, um, </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" >rightly</span><span style="font-size:130%;">. After achieving rightliness, all emotional eggs can be put in one basket and.....</span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >oh shitzu</span><span style="font-size:130%;">!...Dammit, I almost had a point, and I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling bible: "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9kfq-lcF2mc/TgN8sYd14BI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/bPVPGSW9koQ/s1600/wheel%2Bof%2Bhappy.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 271px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9kfq-lcF2mc/TgN8sYd14BI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/bPVPGSW9koQ/s320/wheel%2Bof%2Bhappy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5621473861812215826" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-14416590784105250522011-05-02T12:12:00.000-07:002011-05-02T15:37:37.467-07:00...and Lord, please smite all them that disagree<span style="font-size:130%;">As a former fundie, I like to make up my own statistics. So I'll say roughly, 83.7% of fundamentalists have a Superiority Complex. I also enjoy being my own authority, and speaking for an entire group of people. Here's my bullet points on the Origins of Fundie Arrogance:<br />--What else do they have besides heaven?<br />--Other sects of Christianity are wrong<br />--They believe in an old fashioned alter<br />--The bible is always right, therefore, they are too<br />--Their kids know more doctrine than you<br />--Only they have the right version of the Bible<br />--They are always persecuted for their beliefs<br />--Other Christians don't have their standards<br />--That rebellious woman is in pants!<br />--They win souls<br />--They aren't liberal<br /><br />Without the superiority, they'd be just like every other christian out there. "Come out from among them & be ye separate."!<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_BASbtEZ3Vs/Tb8vxvLj1II/AAAAAAAAAJg/lO6DHMNLrPQ/s1600/wetdream.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 307px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_BASbtEZ3Vs/Tb8vxvLj1II/AAAAAAAAAJg/lO6DHMNLrPQ/s320/wetdream.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602248992997233794" border="0" /></a></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-82200936888489487652011-04-27T11:00:00.000-07:002011-05-04T17:38:40.529-07:00Repressed Sexuality<span style="font-size:130%;">Sex is evil. Sex is bad. Don't do it until you're married. From my own perspective, being single is hard in fundamentalism. </span><span style="font-size:130%;">It's even harder being single when you're already 'damaged goods'. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"> God throws thunder bolts from the sky at those who disobey his command to remain pure until marriage. Those who fornicate will forever lose a piece of their heart. They will never get it back. Masturbaters are filthy, dirty people who defile themselves. Ever hear a person give a testimony about how "They waited until marriage to lose their virginity?" I have. It was always served with a knowing smile and a side of smuggars jelly. A subtle reminder to those who hadn't waited. </span><span style="font-size:130%;">You're only a virgin once, so those who did it the right way can pass go and collect $200. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"> Pious folks in the congregation know this. They will shove it in your face for the next 1000 years. </span><span style="font-size:130%;">I find it interesting that it's the women who usually boast this. In fact, this is something women would give a testimony about on Sunday nights. Why is always the women who waited? Shouldn't Brother Billy have to suffer the same oppression?</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br />In conclusion,</span> <span style="font-size:130%;"><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0194624/quotes?qt=qt0201410" target="blank"> being a virgin is a wonderful, precious thing to hold on to. As long as it doesn't interfere with you having sex.</a></span><br /><br><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OwMn8jx1CSI/TcG-6IHt-VI/AAAAAAAAAJo/LXKZkrOhXK0/s1600/thundar.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 272px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OwMn8jx1CSI/TcG-6IHt-VI/AAAAAAAAAJo/LXKZkrOhXK0/s320/thundar.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602969317247154514" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-31316219106798733122011-02-20T05:33:00.001-08:002011-05-02T22:47:45.580-07:00Thank you for not discussing the outside world<span style="font-size:130%;">A true fundie must shield their children from all that is secular, wordly. Fundies are notorious for living a life of exclusion. After all, they can not <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=XoTlwnPkP6M" target ="blank">properly brainwash</a> if they are exposed to differing points of view. I often think of all the little pleasures given up for fundamentalism. Organized sports for one thing. Fundie logic usually deems total separation; Sports take away your focus from god. Therefore little Junior does not even have an option to hang out with their peers. On the fundie-lite side, sports are allowed as long as there has been a careful, calculated ploy to reduce exposure. This means only approved playmates in a god-filled environment. Go Team!</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_-CCKe5QuDI/Tb7BFzH0YAI/AAAAAAAAAJY/JgrtvYhRkF0/s1600/cupstack.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 298px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_-CCKe5QuDI/Tb7BFzH0YAI/AAAAAAAAAJY/JgrtvYhRkF0/s320/cupstack.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5602127291861983234" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-53268947052238120982011-02-11T11:50:00.001-08:002011-02-12T06:52:04.456-08:00Bathsheba was a whore<span style="font-size:130%;">I was not born into fundamentalism, therefore some customs were strange to me. Although no one forced me, I knew that modesty was expected of women. The separation of male & female was clearly defined. Men wear pants, women don't. Women sit down, shut up & go bake me some cookies.<br /><br />When I was following fundamentalism, I really wanted to please the LORD. I rarely do anything half-assed, so I gave it my all & made the plunge to all dresses/skirts. It's funny how people treat you differently when you wear only dresses. Suddenly people become more solemn, more serious as if afraid they'll offend you somehow. I remember one of my co-workers asking in hesitant, hushed tones "...um...You don't, um, wear pants do you?" The sharp contrast made me uncomfortable around those were not of the same belief.<br /><br />Women have a duty to adorn modest apparel, making sure not to bring male attention to the outside appearance. Unlike the female specimen, men have uncontrollable urges and lust in their eyes. Costly array & broided hair may cause the male fundie to eye-rape the woman. Therefore, it is her fault if she causes him to fall into temptation.</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QEzJ-5NulhQ/TVWqox3c-PI/AAAAAAAAAIo/bCOPvAvpjrA/s1600/risque3.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QEzJ-5NulhQ/TVWqox3c-PI/AAAAAAAAAIo/bCOPvAvpjrA/s400/risque3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5572547731498268914" border="0" /></a>Shirt I was too convicted to wear in my fundie days.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mdF5Ks1PbTg/TVWqfk26C6I/AAAAAAAAAIg/6sAQqKvS_-I/s1600/risque2.jpg"><br /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-28499221424414330632011-01-30T16:17:00.001-08:002011-02-10T13:39:05.485-08:00The art of the follow-up<span style="font-size:130%;">Many eons ago, every Saturday morning without fail, I'd get up ready to pop-lock and drop the gospel. I'd get dressed in my best potato sack jean skirt, and stylize it up with white socks & tennis shoes. The epitome of fundie fashion--Baby I had it goin' on! Then it was off to the recruiting grounds. Look, I don't know if your heart is supposed to go 'lub-dub, lub-dub, tingle, pop', but this activity nearly drove my social anxiety off the charts.<br /><br />For a solid hour we trolled the streets of your neighborhood: Behold we stand at the door and knock! And we are knocking to see if we can get you to change your religion. We sold you Jesus and the promise eternal life. If we were lucky enough to set someone on the path to Christendom, then the next step would be to follow up & disciple. The follow-up plan was quite simple, nag them into the church, nag them into baptism. This set up a pattern of passive-aggressive phone calls and surprise visits. "We missed you this Sunday." A loving sentiment covered in snark. We know your phone number. We know where you live. We are persistent. There's only one thing you can do: Toot that thang up mami, make it roll into church.</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_A_KHofHJB0/TVRaxeemKPI/AAAAAAAAAIY/rwY0WR9xcSk/s1600/trolls.bmp" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 118px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_A_KHofHJB0/TVRaxeemKPI/AAAAAAAAAIY/rwY0WR9xcSk/s400/trolls.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5572178445005629682" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-9293128319610136562011-01-28T17:39:00.000-08:002011-01-29T19:32:15.483-08:00Hate rhymes with Great<span style="font-size:130%;">Well, what the Hello Kitty, I got a hatemail--or perhaps some words of encouragement. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"> It never ceases to amaze me how many christians can't be bothered to read the Bible. There is no point in arguing with me about "god is love" if you haven't read the book even once. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-size:130%;">A little background on myself: I have read the bible (KJV) several times through. I also have memorized chapters of the bible. </span><span style="font-size:130%;">I was a public speaker at many women's events. I am no authority, but I do think I have a <strike>good</strike> smug understanding. </span><span style="font-size:130%;">While some sheep blindly believe that god is big bundle of love, there are a few that have actually read the Bible & understand that he is a god of HATE!! I did want to address two things:<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">1. You need to come back to Jesus.<br /></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;">NO.</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><br />2. You need to repent for being a homosexual or will go to hell when you die!</span><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;">I no longer fear hell. Bravo for harping on homosexuality. Read Romans 1, and solidify all the good book's justification for the death penalty on sodomites. Smile and be proud of yourself for not catching the gay...That's right, there are some evil people out there & those dirty, vile...eh...wait...what's that last part...? --Oh No! It can't be! Verse 32 "...they which commit such things are worthy of death, <span style="font-weight: bold;">not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them</span>."</span> <span style="font-size:130%;"> So there you have it, if you even so much as watch a TV show with a gay character, you are just as guilty! </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br />However if all else fails, please defer to Psalms 139:21-22. It's ok for you to hate me. Jesus is a hater. Either that or he has a mood disorder.<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"> (Psalms 5:5, Psalms 11:5, Proverbs 6:16-19, Malachi 1:3, Romans 9:13)</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TUTLLFpn1zI/AAAAAAAAAHs/WwHl15rGDZQ/s1600/bipolar.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 314px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TUTLLFpn1zI/AAAAAAAAAHs/WwHl15rGDZQ/s320/bipolar.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567798430692529970" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-85758268213130790742011-01-10T05:47:00.000-08:002011-01-29T19:29:31.694-08:00The cause of and solution to all of life's problems:<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:180%;">Prayer.</span> </span> The answer no matter good or bad is always god's will. Why is it that some people waste time doing nothing more than praying to some dude in the sky? If he really answered prayer, wouldn't there be a whole lot more richer, healthier or at the very least less balding people walking around?</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TUSovl4qj_I/AAAAAAAAAHc/2qYXQJIY-nI/s1600/princewilliam.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 146px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TUSovl4qj_I/AAAAAAAAAHc/2qYXQJIY-nI/s200/princewilliam.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567760574913875954" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Your friend recovered from his deathbed? God's will.<br />Your friend died on his deathbed? God's will.<br />Have 10 kids? God's will.<br />Have 0 kids? God's will.<br /><br />Saying that anything that happens is god's will is stupid and accomplishes nothing. Prayer is also a catchall for waiting around and avoiding reality. And what happens if the answer is an undesired one? Look at the flow chart.</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TUSpgm7Z5KI/AAAAAAAAAHk/Zy2Yx_tzArY/s1600/prayer.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 254px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TUSpgm7Z5KI/AAAAAAAAAHk/Zy2Yx_tzArY/s320/prayer.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567761417007391906" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-9411457053178086422010-12-05T09:13:00.000-08:002010-12-05T09:58:56.394-08:00God don't like ugly<span style="font-size:130%;">Apparently <a href="http://urlai.com/Default.aspx" target="blank">URLAI</a> thinks I'm a pretty upset blogger. <span style="font-style: italic;">At first I was like:</span> <strike style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">Who the funk are these people? they don't know shi'ite about me or my blog, they can go stfu, I'll show them angry & upset, them stupid motherf--</strike> <span style="font-style: italic;"> <span>But then I was like:</span></span> Maybe I am.</span><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TPvK9po73JI/AAAAAAAAAHA/UkVbpvsFla4/s1600/20th.jpg" target="blank"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 288px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TPvK9po73JI/AAAAAAAAAHA/UkVbpvsFla4/s400/20th.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5547250526535277714" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-75980375892698289852010-11-12T08:14:00.000-08:002010-12-04T15:53:04.749-08:00Satan hath desired to have you<span style="font-size:130%;">My family is very religious. I was hanging with a relative of mine the other day when a religious song came on the radio. Since I already think <a href="http://fundamentalistnomore.blogspot.com/2010/01/stupid-christian-music.html" target="blank">christian music sucks</a>, I changed the station. This invited an impromptu discussion about how I must be following Satan because of my rejection of all things christian. There you have it ladies & gentlemen: I'm a devil worshiper. This is the only logical conclusion since having no faith isn't an option in these here parts.<br /><br />And in other news Mary Louise Parker is a hottie.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TPUKwn8wW1I/AAAAAAAAAGY/fnAGgV8ReC4/s1600/mlp2.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 281px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TPUKwn8wW1I/AAAAAAAAAGY/fnAGgV8ReC4/s320/mlp2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5545350346650442578" border="0" /></a><br /><br /></span>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-78901708029259357592010-11-09T19:14:00.000-08:002010-12-04T16:13:28.853-08:00Higher Education is for Fools<span style="font-size:130%;">One day god is going to destroy the entire earth, so all the treasures on this earth are in vain. No need to pursue any outside career that will provide for your retirement, medical care, vacation, children. Fundies obsession with the destruction & end of the world often comes at the expense of common sense. (I know, right?) Jesus is coming back, might be this very day. Therefore, it is totally unnecessary for you to waste your money in the Devils' Institution. Besides, that whole pile of money could be better used at the church house.<br /><br />Some of the more Gung-Holy fundies unfortunately lack a total trust that god will take care of them. For them, it's off to Bible College. No mind that it is totally unaccredited. Gung-Holy will be content with doing the exact same job for the REST OF HIS LIFE, and will never be laid off, downsized, or lose business. Or, if they do choose a different path, </span><span style="font-size:130%;">employers don't care about that stuff anyway. As long as you 'feel a calling in your heart' to be surgeon, that appendectomy will come out just fine.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">"Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TPrUERmDnSI/AAAAAAAAAGo/aDKyrNqInQY/s1600/poor2.jpg" target="blank"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 107px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TPrUERmDnSI/AAAAAAAAAGo/aDKyrNqInQY/s400/poor2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5546979060967775522" border="0" /></a><br /></span></span>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-68433681185046797152010-11-07T09:59:00.000-08:002010-11-09T10:25:58.129-08:00You had me at hello<span style="font-size:130%;">Fundamentalist dating is for marriage only. Although they've been taught how evil the opposite sex is, they</span><span style="font-size:130%;">'ve been praying for a spouse since age 5. </span><span style="font-size:130%;">Satan has desired to have them, and if they want to leave the fold it will be through marriage.</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br />Nothing is more pure & lovely than old fashioned courtin'. Since a fundy can only date another fundy, good luck if they live in a small town. Better get to a few conventions or singles conferences to check the merchandise of the sisteren or bretheren. Remember, items on sale or used items are never a bargain. </span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-size:130%;">Chaperons are needed because despite the fact that the both of them are committed to purity, if left alone for 60secs both will surely fornicate each others brains out. In addition, the fundy must avoid all appearances of evil. If Mr. Right is seen alone with a girl, everyone one will assume he's laying a solid rock on her foundation.<br /><br />All this protection is for the safety of 'guarding your heart'. During this courtship phase, physical contact is forbidden. Kissing and touching are evil. In fact, if you're doing it right, your first kiss and first time will be on your wedding day. No exceptions. From an awkward kiss at the alter to a bedroom fellowship session all in a couple of hours. But you prayed first, so surely goodness and mercy shall be had on the wedding night.<br /><br />Happy Courtin' </span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TNmR2RGVHDI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/ASjov_z0Vzw/s1600/dating.jpg" target=blank><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 208px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TNmR2RGVHDI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/ASjov_z0Vzw/s320/dating.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537617578317650994" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-85113746220067535212010-11-06T09:27:00.000-07:002010-11-06T11:11:07.249-07:00J.O.Y. wonderful concept, dangerous practice<span style="font-size:130%;">I'm back, baby! Let's just say I took some time out to um, er, reflect. Or perhaps after years of the single life, finally finding someone to um, er, reflect with. Yea, that's what it was.<br /><br />Do you have JOY? The only true path to happiness is through Jesus 1st, Others 2nd Yourself last. To the average Jane Doe, this acronym probably sounds like a cutesy way to remember your manners. I have seen many a-proverbs-31-woman overwhelmed, overworked, overwithchilded, and overpatriarched. <-- yea, I made up two words, so what!!?<br /><br />My fundamentalism became a systematic routine of pleasing others. At the expense of my own health, finances and sanity. Striving to appear a virtuous ruby in a sea of worldy cubic zirconium. A quiet suppression of emotions in order to live a life that I thought was 'pleasing to the saviour.'<br /><br />I browse other fundamentalist blogs from time to time, and see the smiling faces on the big families. Prim, proper, neat. I often wonder what's behind the smile? Although I don't fault anyone living that type of life, some of those motherduggars are living a sugarcoated lie. <p></p></span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TNWTCc1V4fI/AAAAAAAAAGA/OgjaO2OveaA/s1600/trampstamp.jpg" target="blank""><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 208px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TNWTCc1V4fI/AAAAAAAAAGA/OgjaO2OveaA/s320/trampstamp.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5536492987230839282" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-25582744595221736292010-05-31T16:18:00.000-07:002010-11-06T12:53:11.827-07:00Vote for Jesus<span style="font-size:130%;">I live in the Bible belt and it's voting season. I was visited by a person campaigning and was slightly annoyed that they mentioned the candidate was a 'good christian' who attended such & such church. As if their church affiliation would make me doo-si-do in their direction!<br /><br />The only way to win in these here parts is join one of the right Christian groups. Nothing too radical like Mormonism or Catholicism either. Joe Politician must serve the communi</span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" >tay</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> and he can't be moral without Jesus. I think we should go back to the biblical days of yore, where elected officials were anointed directly by some old fart with a horn, oil and a heifer. That way the candidate can truly say they art better than thee. Take that, King Saul! (1 Sam 15) This also has a double benefit of taking away the woman vote. Finally, the ugly candidate has a chance, since everyone knows women just vote for the cute one.</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TAbo1cIb0pI/AAAAAAAAAFo/YpbZWHLoiqc/s1600/council.jpg" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 316px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TAbo1cIb0pI/AAAAAAAAAFo/YpbZWHLoiqc/s320/council.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478322001525068434" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">And in other news, <a href="http://youtube.com/lisanova" target="blank">Lisa Nova</a> has one of the world's most beautiful smiles, yo.</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TAbtZG85yEI/AAAAAAAAAFw/OIKGKmfjqRo/s1600/lnova.jpg" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 254px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/TAbtZG85yEI/AAAAAAAAAFw/OIKGKmfjqRo/s320/lnova.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478327012361357378" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-50315116484008054802010-05-05T13:10:00.000-07:002010-11-06T12:10:33.859-07:00No funny, just talk<span style="font-size:130%;">I had to stop for gas the other day on a road trip. I stopped at a JetPep, and felt a familiar panicky feeling as I realized this was the JetPep near my former church. I remembered the painful anxiety attacks I would get going out door to door. Then a major flood of relief as I realized those days are over & I will NEVER knock another strangers' door again. No more do I have to avoid making friendships with people, out of the fear that I must convert them. No longer will I subject a co-worker or relative to a quiz session on their salvation.<br /><br />I'm mostly agnostic with some atheist leanings. Let's face it, accepting fundamentalism means accepting that the majority of your friends, co-workers and relatives are going to hell. Although they didn't exactly say it, I got the idea that my church ascribed to the KJVO method of salvation. (If you did not use the KJV, you are not saved.) On principle alone, this makes God a dick anyway If he would send someone to hell because they believed </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >IN</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> Jesus [NIV] vs. </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >ON</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> Jesus [KJV] John 3:16. On this technicality alone thousands of unfortunate souls can believe they are saved, attend church 3 times a week and still go directly to hell.</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br />I used to be so preoccupied with thinking everyone was on their way to hell. Everyone. The idea that God would send people to hell even if they never even heard of him, believed the wrong religion, etc. was unsettling. Then I came to realize that someone who was supposed to be all powerful & all knowing was really just an ass. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"> I also wanted nothing to do with him. </span><span style="font-size:130%;"> I guess I'm not the only one who feels that way.</span><br /><br /><br /><object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/47rGNx6myHU&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/47rGNx6myHU&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-4554183653542979252010-05-03T12:57:00.000-07:002010-11-06T11:56:02.285-07:00My new favorite video.<br /><object width="445" height="364"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/rfsfm6_svlg&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/rfsfm6_svlg&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364"></embed></object>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-32382325570276992812010-04-28T22:06:00.000-07:002010-11-06T12:13:54.431-07:00More on my budding womanhood<span style="font-size:130%;"><br />I spent about a half an hour yesterday trying to find a safety pin. Then it dawned on me...I knew where one would be. The very bottom drawer. Yep, there pinned onto my fundamentalist uniform was a safety pin. (For it is not good to look upon a woman's calves.) The safety pin doing its job of keeping men and their filthy, lustful eyes from beholding the evil curves and beholding the good curves. I wonder why I hold onto these old dresses? I pulled out another dress, that a friend had sewn for me. Will I ever have a reason to wear them? Will there ever be an event where jean pants say "lazy bum" and jean skirts say "productive trendsetter"? I think back to the time of my total conversion from pants to only skirts...About that time, my dating life also slipped into oblivion. Hmmm? I wonder why?<br /><br />The following real life images may be too risque. BEWARE.</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S98kipQ_ELI/AAAAAAAAAFA/bvs8MnSo684/s1600/skitrs.jpg" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S98kipQ_ELI/AAAAAAAAAFA/bvs8MnSo684/s320/skitrs.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467128650262319282" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S-ARnXjw98I/AAAAAAAAAFg/EOggxvpuCfs/s1600/closeup1.jpg" target=blank><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S-ARnXjw98I/AAAAAAAAAFg/EOggxvpuCfs/s320/closeup1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467389315664377794" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S98kqXrXfEI/AAAAAAAAAFI/2_YCBPGwKMU/s1600/sewed.jpg" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S98kqXrXfEI/AAAAAAAAAFI/2_YCBPGwKMU/s320/sewed.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467128782980086850" border="0" /></a>And in other news, <a href="http://www.jenniferknapp.com/about" target="blank">Jennifer Knapp</a> is a hottie!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S98p5j1pgRI/AAAAAAAAAFY/SR2Mg6DNBkk/s1600/jenniferknapp.jpg" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 252px; height: 252px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S98p5j1pgRI/AAAAAAAAAFY/SR2Mg6DNBkk/s320/jenniferknapp.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5467134541500612882" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-22124280518230024242010-04-17T06:13:00.000-07:002010-11-06T12:02:26.190-07:00Haters be hatin'<span style="font-size:130%;">In the fundie world, there are two school of thoughts on your eternal destination: Heaven or Hell. That's right, it's either Yahweh or the Highway. It is this school of thought that causes the fundie to worry so much about your black, wretched, filthy, on-the-rag soul. I'm sure there are some sincere Christians out there, who truly believe they are doing God's will. Hurray for them! That's not what I'm ranting about. I'm here to rip on the zealots.<br /><br />I distinctly remember the day my church wanted to go to the area college and do street preaching and/or hold signs. As my brain was now operating at 50% capacity, I gave that idea a resounding "Sheol No!" There was no way, I was going to be the idiot with the "REPENT NOW" sign.<br /><br />You've seen this guy on the corner of 20th street. His exterior is an accident waiting to happen. He has a scruffy beard & looks like he hasn't seen a bar of soap since Jem was Truly, Truly Outrageous. He's holding up a hand written sign & mumbling to himself. Bad Samaritans cross to the other side of the street to avoid him.<br /><br />Yea, no way in Sheol was that happening for me.<br /><br />Nor was I in a hurry to be the pompass on the street. You've probably seen this type of zealot in bus stations or busy pedestrian intersections. Not content to stand passively with just a sign, this son of a biotech has a megaphone. He's shouting at the top of his lungs. Not the gospel, though. He just wants to pwn you. Since the bible & God are his authority, it's open season all you sinners. The good news: </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" >You're</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> going to hell. The bad news: You're </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" >going</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> to hell. WHORE!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0xFAdhNIHU" target="blank">Yes sir! May I have another?</a></span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S8qMeUkr_VI/AAAAAAAAAE4/XGXYe-3_sZQ/s1600/zealots2.jpg" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 198px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S8qMeUkr_VI/AAAAAAAAAE4/XGXYe-3_sZQ/s320/zealots2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461331950686698834" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-59581949186731739802010-04-06T19:05:00.000-07:002010-04-20T12:13:32.779-07:00Thinking makes my brain hurt<span style="font-size:130%;">Have you ever asked someone a question about the Bible & got the run around? Here's a Christian's guide to answering those toughy's.<br /><br />1) </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" >"You're taking that verse out of context."</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> This is the easiest surefire way to settle a dispute. Nothing works better to twist the question into what fits your</span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" > opinionate</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> . Now you've trumped any comeback from the opposition!! Context is everything. I'm sure you read the word <u>YES</u>, but what the Bible really meant was <u>NO</u>. You just took it out of context.<br /><br />2) </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" >"You have to go back to the Greek."</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> Yea, baby, the Greek. Because no one around you speaks it, Yahsoo? Sure you joined Eye Phelta Thigh in college, & besides those 3 letters, you don't know alpha from omega. Saying you have to go back to the greek, ensures you can make use of that semester in your non-accredited Bible College. Just make sure the person you're talking to isn't named Yanni or Helen. Efharisto.<br /><br />3) </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" >"That falls under Old Testament law."</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> Yes, all scripture is profitable for doctrine & correction except the first 39 books. It's all just a bunch of begat this, begat that anyway, with some poetry in the middle. Oh, yea...& a whole bunch of killin'.<br /><br />4) </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >"That verse shouldn't be taken literally." </span><span style="font-size:130%;"> Amen-a!! Now you can rationalize and make that verse work, baby. It can mean anything you need the person to believe. This works to keep the questionee in limbo. Now, all the fuzzy parts of the bible can be explained away & the bad parts can be all LOVE all the TIME.<br /><br />5) </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" > "Talk about ANYTHING else." </span><span style="font-size:130%;"> Just change the subject. If they weren't an heretick, they wouldn't be asking you stupid questions anyway! How dare they question you? Satan is a deciever & he needs to be cast down under your feet. No weapon formed against you shall prosper & you need to keep the devil cast down. Boomhallejahshakazulu!!</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S760_EQDs3I/AAAAAAAAAEo/7Zu5QpMWXDE/s1600/contradictions.jpg" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 256px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S760_EQDs3I/AAAAAAAAAEo/7Zu5QpMWXDE/s320/contradictions.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457998793985471346" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-12947779636566021642010-03-30T14:16:00.000-07:002010-03-31T13:13:05.879-07:00The Confessional Booth<span style="font-size:130%;">Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...<br /></span><span style="font-size:130%;">It's the end of the service & time for prayer. The pastor encourages those who are not saved to come forward. Then it's time for the fundamentalist confession booth. </span><span style="font-size:130%;">No, I'm not talking about Catholicism, but there <span style="font-weight: bold;">IS</span> a confessional booth in the fundie world. It's called the altar, & good old-fashioned guilt trips filled with syrupy sweet buzz words get you there. Words that are over enunciated and the piano/organ sets the mood for a dirty, hot, steamy...uh...<br /><br />"If you're sitting there today, & something in the sermon stirred your heart-a, I want you to come forward-a.."<br />"Someone here has sin in their life that they need to confess to God-a.."<br />"You've been praying about an area in your life that you need to change-a.."<br /><br />Generalized terms that could potentially apply to anyone. If you go to a big church, good, you're safe & no need to take the long walk of shame. But, if you go to a small church, you're faced with a decision. Do you go & risk the rumor mill? Do you stay at your pew & risk the rumor mill? You can't win. The confession booth is for Sister Betty to have something to talk about on Monday.<br /><br />And in other news, Scarlett Johansson is like totally, totally hot! Don't say I didn't warn ya!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S7NhjNUsXFI/AAAAAAAAAEY/R_ZG4e6Aozw/s1600/ScarlettJ.jpg" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 226px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S7NhjNUsXFI/AAAAAAAAAEY/R_ZG4e6Aozw/s320/ScarlettJ.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454810831175572562" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">"If you're struggling with sin-a, you need to get it settled today-a"</span> </span><br /></span>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-982594544567254162.post-85900496090748185132010-03-25T18:11:00.000-07:002010-03-27T06:17:28.042-07:00The imaginary movie screen in the sky<span style="font-size:130%;">Many Christians macerroneously believe that after they die, Jesus is going to show them their sins on a big movie screen in front of everybody. Who's the genius that started this rumor? Once again, this rumor only solidifies my ability to generalize, prejudge & assume. The average xtian that believes this probably has not read their bible, but blindly follows traditions, customs & Pastor SoundingBrass. The idea of a huge movie screen showing your secret sins is not true!!! If you read your B-I-B-L-E instead of having it shoved down your throat on Sunday, you'd know this contradicts:<br /><br />Heb 8:12, Heb 10:17 (He won't even 'member your sin.)<br />Ps 103:12 (Yo sins been moved far as the East to the West, Girl)<br />Rev 21:4 (Ain't no more sorrow or pain)<br /><br />Hey, but what do I know? Maybe Jesus <b><u> is</u></b> watching you masturbate.</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S64CVGeTT6I/AAAAAAAAAEQ/Fn1RevCgn3A/s1600/bigscreen.jpg" target="blank"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 289px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XcSmCMaPbmQ/S64CVGeTT6I/AAAAAAAAAEQ/Fn1RevCgn3A/s400/bigscreen.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5453298760330465186" border="0" /></a>Ex-Fundiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08540718386219400108noreply@blogger.com3