Phun Phoundations 2: Door knocking

Door knocking. Visitation. Soul-Winning. Those crazy people at your door. On your way to hell? Chances are, you might be!!! Fundies savor the excitement of bugging the crap out of you & your objections to this is the least of their concern. Fundies are programmed to learn your objections & overcome them via delusions, make believe and spiritual world of warcraft.

Pop Quiz
1. If you died right now, are you 100% sure you'd go to heaven?
a) yes
b) no
c) maybe
d) not sure

If you answered either a, b, c or d, chances are according to the fundie handbook of door-knocking, you are not saved & on your way to Hades in a handbasket. But wait---I answered yes! Nope, a) is not the correct answer. Technicality. If you answer yes, but say that you go to any church other than a fundamental baptist church, you haved failed. That means Assembly of God, Church of God, Church of Christ, A.M.E, S.B.C. & RunDMC. All wrong, false churches & fundie bapt is the ONLY WAY. In fact, we were conditioned to dig deeper & try to get the person doubting their salvation to help them see us as right. Your rejection or insertion that you had your own faith, own church or no faith was blindly ignored by us go-getters. If you used any logic or reasoning to politely turn us down, it went in one ear & out the other. Your use of friends, & family members to get us to leave also went unnoticed. Your non-verbal clues such as checking your watch & fidgeting were seen as an open invitation to pump up the volume.

I have so graciously illustrated this point. I call it my "Hands in the air, Level of just don't care" ratio. Enjoy.

Standards provided by man's perceptions

What separates fundamentalism from all the other sects of Christianity? The easiest way to tell the difference is their OWN separation from the world. Their insistence on proselytizing everyone they meet, the women in dresses only/men in pants only. King James Bible ONLY!!! Taking everything literally from the Bible that suits their need & dismissing the ones they choose.

My church was a huge offender of this man-made Shi'ite. Men could not preach or go soul-winning if they did not have a)haircut, b) belt. c) shaven. Women could not go soul-winning or speak at womens activities unless they a) full time dresses only b) had appropriate hair length. They actually used to tell men that shorts were evil.

This may not seem like a big deal to a normal person, but in the fundie world, entire family's have been shunned because of their use of shorts, or that heathen woman in jeans.

They also had rulez that no one could be a leader in the church unless they were giving at least 20% of their income to the church. I thought God only wanted 10%, What the funk? They also wanted you to attend all their conferences/meetings out of town. Nevermind the fact, they'd conveniently schedule these conferences in the summer, you know, when folks want to go on vacation. So instead of enjoying the EVIL SUN and WATER, BEACH, FUN, you spend it in an economy hotel attending boring meetings.

General gripes

It's Saturday. You hear a knock on the door. You answer it. It's two peeps dressed nicely carrying their bibles. Oh, fudgesticks!! They invite you to church & then utter the single most illogical statement in all of fundamental mankind: "Have you turned from your sins to Jesus?"

Eight little words that make me throw up in my mouth. There are so many reasons why, but I'll try & keep it simple.

1) There is no biblical basis. If you believe the bible, it says that if we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves & the truth is not in us. It is not possible to be sinless.

2) The statement implies that you must give up your life or turn over a new leaf to be a xtian. This is worse than the 1st because it confuses people. There are a countless number of idiots think they have to get saved all over again everytime they mess up. Stupid. I've seen people "get saved" and "get baptized" multiple times. Stupid.

3) If you have to turn from a life of sin, this implies that you must work your way into heaven. I thought the Mormons & Jehovah's witnesses had that covered, Baptist.

You show me a fundamentalist that thinks they've turned from their sins to Jesus, & I'll show you an arrogant, prideful, bastard who thinks they are better than everyone else.