...and Lord, please smite all them that disagree

As a former fundie, I like to make up my own statistics. So I'll say roughly, 83.7% of fundamentalists have a Superiority Complex. I also enjoy being my own authority, and speaking for an entire group of people. Here's my bullet points on the Origins of Fundie Arrogance:
--What else do they have besides heaven?
--Other sects of Christianity are wrong
--They believe in an old fashioned alter
--The bible is always right, therefore, they are too
--Their kids know more doctrine than you
--Only they have the right version of the Bible
--They are always persecuted for their beliefs
--Other Christians don't have their standards
--That rebellious woman is in pants!
--They win souls
--They aren't liberal

Without the superiority, they'd be just like every other christian out there. "Come out from among them & be ye separate."!

The cause of and solution to all of life's problems:

Prayer. The answer no matter good or bad is always god's will. Why is it that some people waste time doing nothing more than praying to some dude in the sky? If he really answered prayer, wouldn't there be a whole lot more richer, healthier or at the very least less balding people walking around?


Your friend recovered from his deathbed? God's will.
Your friend died on his deathbed? God's will.
Have 10 kids? God's will.
Have 0 kids? God's will.

Saying that anything that happens is god's will is stupid and accomplishes nothing. Prayer is also a catchall for waiting around and avoiding reality. And what happens if the answer is an undesired one? Look at the flow chart.

God don't like ugly

Apparently URLAI thinks I'm a pretty upset blogger. At first I was like: Who the funk are these people? they don't know shi'ite about me or my blog, they can go stfu, I'll show them angry & upset, them stupid motherf-- But then I was like: Maybe I am.

Stupid hypocrites

I was watching American Idol last night & noticed one of the contestants claimed he was "A Child of God". What the Aeon Flux? I hope he loses for being a drama queen. News flash--No one wants to hear your bullnist. Also, if you're a child of god, what are the other contestants? Spawn of Satan? Demon Derelicts? Last time I checked, it was called American IDOL. If you'd read ur b-i-b-l-e, you'd see that idolatry is strictly forbidden, bichnuts! I was able to snag a Polaroid from someone else with an opinion on the matter.

His name was "Bob". He was always talking about Jesus, God or the Holy Spirit. Outwardly, he was everything you'd expect from a fundamental: nice family, decent job, wife with the long hair and dresses, witnessing, church attendance. People around the office used to call him "Praise-Him-Bob". The thing is, although God was apparently on his mind, he never praised him for the things you'd expect a normal Christian to thank him for. You know, blue skies, rainbows, pretty kittens, saving his soul. Oh no, "Bob" was the type of person to thank God for the misfortune of others.

Recently divorce your wife? --Praise Him!
Lose your life savings? --Praise Him!
Going to jail? --Praise Him!