Eddie Haskell style Christianity

I love 'Leave it to Beaver'. If you've never watched it, you probably won't get the title reference. However since 83.7% of fundamentalists* long for an idealist American family life set in the 1950's, I'm sure you can relate. It dawned on me that many christians are like good ole' Edward G. Haskell. This is the guy with such a huge overactive sense of self worth, he makes Kanye West look humble. Their behavior in front of others is all about one upping you to oblivion. They are winners. You must acknowledge it, and feel below average. If your kid was saying the alphabet at age two, their kid was reading Shakespeare at age two. Your kid has a piano recital, his created an original musical score for the local church. Blah, blah, freakin, blah. (This is about the time you're ready to introduce them to an holy right hook.) Not only that, they have a level of passive aggressiveness that is legendary. Of course, you may not always know this fact. You just wonder why their casserole at the church potluck always tastes funny.....


*Made up statistic. Blank Certificate via 123certificates.com.

The quest for perfection driven by competition, superiority

Many Christians are so bent on perfection that it leads to the single most annoying character trait in my book: Superiority. As the fundie strives for perfection, there is an intense competition to be the best. Sure, everyone likes to win, but fundies take this to a whole notha level.

Have you ever met those people that are "so spiritual" they can't even have a normal conversation? They answer the phone with "Hallelujah" instead of "Hello". Every other word out of their mouth is some spirit-filled-babble-nonsense. ANYONE who talks like this is a show off who is aggro-filled & needs their meds.


FakeFundie: Well I'm sure am blessed. Hallelujah, Sister, let's just take this to him in prayer.

Me: I just asked you whether I should wear the pink dress or the blue one. What the funk? Do you think you could at least ask a mutherfudging open ended question?


The phrase "you'll know them by their fruits" is so prevalent in the world of fundie. I guess everyone wants their fruit to be the most visible, plump, juicy sweetness in the church. This then sends the fundie on a lifelong intangible race of Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. I once knew a member who was so competitive, they wouldn't let a 5 year old win at board games. Seriously. "You won again at Hi-Ho-Cherry-Oh?" Wow, you must be the best mickificki on the planet!

My point is, it's stupid to spend your whole life competing on things that are intangible. What better way to illustrate how stupid this is than MSPaint?