Culture Shock

Confession: The first time I heard rap music I cried. I had know idea that such music existed or why they were so angry. I couldn't stomach how anyone could say things that were so explicit. Over time, I realized that music was an expression of experiences of the artist. Not everyone grew up the same way, with the same type of neighbors and the same type of lifestyle. I still wonder why my parents let me out on my own. I was ill prepared for the real world. I was book smart, with zero street smarts. I was soooo green and trusting, on an epic level. After all, why would someone lie to me, isn't that a sin? This led to me being the butt of quite a few pranks. I have to take blame for some of it, because sometimes it was deserved.

There is a false safety net in fundamentalism. As a female, you are generally protected and shielded. You are raised to think your only purpose in life is to get married & bear children. If everything goes according to plan, you leave the headship of home, to the headship of a husband. My circumstances dictated I did not take this path.

What happens when slot A doesn't fit into slot b? Probably a midlife crisis.

Thinking makes my brain hurt

Have you ever asked someone a question about the Bible & got the run around? Here's a Christian's guide to answering those toughy's.

1) "You're taking that verse out of context." This is the easiest surefire way to settle a dispute. Nothing works better to twist the question into what fits your opinionate . Now you've trumped any comeback from the opposition!! Context is everything. I'm sure you read the word YES, but what the Bible really meant was NO. You just took it out of context.

2) "You have to go back to the Greek." Yea, baby, the Greek. Because no one around you speaks it, Yahsoo? Sure you joined Eye Phelta Thigh in college, & besides those 3 letters, you don't know alpha from omega. Saying you have to go back to the greek, ensures you can make use of that semester in your non-accredited Bible College. Just make sure the person you're talking to isn't named Yanni or Helen. Efharisto.

3) "That falls under Old Testament law." Yes, all scripture is profitable for doctrine & correction except the first 39 books. It's all just a bunch of begat this, begat that anyway, with some poetry in the middle. Oh, yea...& a whole bunch of killin'.

4) "That verse shouldn't be taken literally." Amen-a!! Now you can rationalize and make that verse work, baby. It can mean anything you need the person to believe. This works to keep the questionee in limbo. Now, all the fuzzy parts of the bible can be explained away & the bad parts can be all LOVE all the TIME.

5) "Talk about ANYTHING else." Just change the subject. If they weren't an heretick, they wouldn't be asking you stupid questions anyway! How dare they question you? Satan is a deciever & he needs to be cast down under your feet. No weapon formed against you shall prosper & you need to keep the devil cast down. Boomhallejahshakazulu!!

The quest for perfection driven by competition, superiority

Many Christians are so bent on perfection that it leads to the single most annoying character trait in my book: Superiority. As the fundie strives for perfection, there is an intense competition to be the best. Sure, everyone likes to win, but fundies take this to a whole notha level.

Have you ever met those people that are "so spiritual" they can't even have a normal conversation? They answer the phone with "Hallelujah" instead of "Hello". Every other word out of their mouth is some spirit-filled-babble-nonsense. ANYONE who talks like this is a show off who is aggro-filled & needs their meds.


FakeFundie: Well I'm sure am blessed. Hallelujah, Sister, let's just take this to him in prayer.

Me: I just asked you whether I should wear the pink dress or the blue one. What the funk? Do you think you could at least ask a mutherfudging open ended question?


The phrase "you'll know them by their fruits" is so prevalent in the world of fundie. I guess everyone wants their fruit to be the most visible, plump, juicy sweetness in the church. This then sends the fundie on a lifelong intangible race of Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. I once knew a member who was so competitive, they wouldn't let a 5 year old win at board games. Seriously. "You won again at Hi-Ho-Cherry-Oh?" Wow, you must be the best mickificki on the planet!

My point is, it's stupid to spend your whole life competing on things that are intangible. What better way to illustrate how stupid this is than MSPaint?