Showing posts with label sisteren. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sisteren. Show all posts

Sunday, November 7, 2010

You had me at hello

Fundamentalist dating is for marriage only. Although they've been taught how evil the opposite sex is, they've been praying for a spouse since age 5. Satan has desired to have them, and if they want to leave the fold it will be through marriage.

Nothing is more pure & lovely than old fashioned courtin'. Since a fundy can only date another fundy, good luck if they live in a small town. Better get to a few conventions or singles conferences to check the merchandise of the sisteren or bretheren. Remember, items on sale or used items are never a bargain.


Chaperons are needed because despite the fact that the both of them are committed to purity, if left alone for 60secs both will surely fornicate each others brains out. In addition, the fundy must avoid all appearances of evil. If Mr. Right is seen alone with a girl, everyone one will assume he's laying a solid rock on her foundation.

All this protection is for the safety of 'guarding your heart'. During this courtship phase, physical contact is forbidden. Kissing and touching are evil. In fact, if you're doing it right, your first kiss and first time will be on your wedding day. No exceptions. From an awkward kiss at the alter to a bedroom fellowship session all in a couple of hours. But you prayed first, so surely goodness and mercy shall be had on the wedding night.

Happy Courtin'


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I now pronounce you Brother & Sister...

Ah..the strange custom of calling everyone 'brother' or 'sister'. Another one of the many things I'm glad to leave behind. I have no idea why this odd practice is so celebrated in Christianity. Now I understand "luv ya like a sis" & "bros before hos", but I've NEVER like calling others Sister Betty or whateva. It was always weird, forced & contrived. On top of that, it's super weird when church members start dating.

"Did you know Brother Billy & Sister Janey are dating?"

No. I did not. On top of that, what if these two actually marry? Seems odd to me, that you call each other Bro & Sis three times a week & have no problem discussing your eternal commitment to each other over Olive Garden's all-you-can-eat salad & breadsticks. Color me disgusted.