Monday, November 14, 2011

Culture Shock

Confession: The first time I heard rap music I cried. I had know idea that such music existed or why they were so angry. I couldn't stomach how anyone could say things that were so explicit. Over time, I realized that music was an expression of experiences of the artist. Not everyone grew up the same way, with the same type of neighbors and the same type of lifestyle. I still wonder why my parents let me out on my own. I was ill prepared for the real world. I was book smart, with zero street smarts. I was soooo green and trusting, on an epic level. After all, why would someone lie to me, isn't that a sin? This led to me being the butt of quite a few pranks. I have to take blame for some of it, because sometimes it was deserved.

There is a false safety net in fundamentalism. As a female, you are generally protected and shielded. You are raised to think your only purpose in life is to get married & bear children. If everything goes according to plan, you leave the headship of home, to the headship of a husband. My circumstances dictated I did not take this path.

What happens when slot A doesn't fit into slot b? Probably a midlife crisis.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I'm not familiar with that term

Sheltering and avoiding contact with the world is an important part of christian growth. I ate, slept and lived the fundie lifestyle. The outside world was scary, wicked and ungodly. My brain magically repressed that only a few years prior, I had actually lived in the real world. Soulwinning was my main contact with normal society. Every. Single. Saturday.

During my stint to be the bestest of the best, I went through a No TV phase. I grew up quite sheltered as a child, so TV free wasn't a hard transition. I don't even have cable now. When I do watch TV, my attention span is so short that I usually stick to 30min comedies/animation. **Nerd alert** One of the reasons I probably don't watch much TV, is because I'm a bit OCD on finishing the entire series.

After soulwinning, we often traded stories about the people we came in contact with. One hot button issue was the separation of male/female. This day the guys had an undetermined sex the door. A few jokes were cracked about not being able to tell which gender the person was. And then it happened.

I listened to a church member tell a story that was almost verbatim from "Family Guy". His friend had mistakenly got into an argument with a man who turned out to be a woman. Not only was his story, not true (lying ass), If I admitted I knew where it was from, then I would be admitting that I was familiar with the all too secular show. What's a fundie to do when Two Worlds Collide??? Of course, I did the polite thing and smiled at his little story. Now please excuse me as I try to pretend that this lady isn't a hottie.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Are you ever gonna update?

You know, I really need to quit starting blog posts, and then procrastinating wearing my Not Pants and finally posting a month later. Yea, I'll work on that. There's also another post between this one, too.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Eddie Haskell style Christianity

I love 'Leave it to Beaver'. If you've never watched it, you probably won't get the title reference. However since 83.7% of fundamentalists* long for an idealist American family life set in the 1950's, I'm sure you can relate. It dawned on me that many christians are like good ole' Edward G. Haskell. This is the guy with such a huge overactive sense of self worth, he makes Kanye West look humble. Their behavior in front of others is all about one upping you to oblivion. They are winners. You must acknowledge it, and feel below average. If your kid was saying the alphabet at age two, their kid was reading Shakespeare at age two. Your kid has a piano recital, his created an original musical score for the local church. Blah, blah, freakin, blah. (This is about the time you're ready to introduce them to an holy right hook.) Not only that, they have a level of passive aggressiveness that is legendary. Of course, you may not always know this fact. You just wonder why their casserole at the church potluck always tastes funny.....

*Made up statistic. Blank Certificate via

Monday, May 23, 2011

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so blue

My interpersonal skills suck. Growing up, everyone thought I was just 'shy' and would eventually come out of my shell. It wasn't until I left fundamentalism that I finally decided to get help. I have social anxiety disorder. (Finally, a medical reason for my aloof, assoholic ways explained.) Religion in general places a huge emphasis on perfection. I wonder how many fundies are struggling to maintain a pure image? Outwardly pretending everything is great with false smiles to cover up the insecurity inside. I used to think I could pray away the KRAZY. After all, if god wanted us to have mental illnesses, he would've handed them out at alter call. Why is mental illness often overlooked, downplayed or demonized in religion? Religious logic deems that "God has given us a sound mind", 2 Tim 1:7 should be enough to handle any postpartum, post traumatic stress, or post wtfhaveigottenmyselfinto depression any christian faces. If the fundie prays hard enough, and all unconfessed sin in their life is accounted for, then surely everything will be fine. With prayer, meekness and a quiet spirit, they can do everything the right way at the right time, um, rightly. After achieving rightliness, all emotional eggs can be put in one basket and.....oh shitzu!...Dammit, I almost had a point, and I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling bible: "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."

Monday, May 2, 2011

...and Lord, please smite all them that disagree

As a former fundie, I like to make up my own statistics. So I'll say roughly, 83.7% of fundamentalists have a Superiority Complex. I also enjoy being my own authority, and speaking for an entire group of people. Here's my bullet points on the Origins of Fundie Arrogance:
--What else do they have besides heaven?
--Other sects of Christianity are wrong
--They believe in an old fashioned alter
--The bible is always right, therefore, they are too
--Their kids know more doctrine than you
--Only they have the right version of the Bible
--They are always persecuted for their beliefs
--Other Christians don't have their standards
--That rebellious woman is in pants!
--They win souls
--They aren't liberal

Without the superiority, they'd be just like every other christian out there. "Come out from among them & be ye separate."!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Repressed Sexuality

Sex is evil. Sex is bad. Don't do it until you're married. From my own perspective, being single is hard in fundamentalism. It's even harder being single when you're already 'damaged goods'. God throws thunder bolts from the sky at those who disobey his command to remain pure until marriage. Those who fornicate will forever lose a piece of their heart. They will never get it back. Masturbaters are filthy, dirty people who defile themselves. Ever hear a person give a testimony about how "They waited until marriage to lose their virginity?" I have. It was always served with a knowing smile and a side of smuggars jelly. A subtle reminder to those who hadn't waited. You're only a virgin once, so those who did it the right way can pass go and collect $200. Pious folks in the congregation know this. They will shove it in your face for the next 1000 years. I find it interesting that it's the women who usually boast this. In fact, this is something women would give a testimony about on Sunday nights. Why is always the women who waited? Shouldn't Brother Billy have to suffer the same oppression?

In conclusion,
being a virgin is a wonderful, precious thing to hold on to. As long as it doesn't interfere with you having sex.