Culture Shock

Confession: The first time I heard rap music I cried. I had know idea that such music existed or why they were so angry. I couldn't stomach how anyone could say things that were so explicit. Over time, I realized that music was an expression of experiences of the artist. Not everyone grew up the same way, with the same type of neighbors and the same type of lifestyle. I still wonder why my parents let me out on my own. I was ill prepared for the real world. I was book smart, with zero street smarts. I was soooo green and trusting, on an epic level. After all, why would someone lie to me, isn't that a sin? This led to me being the butt of quite a few pranks. I have to take blame for some of it, because sometimes it was deserved.

There is a false safety net in fundamentalism. As a female, you are generally protected and shielded. You are raised to think your only purpose in life is to get married & bear children. If everything goes according to plan, you leave the headship of home, to the headship of a husband. My circumstances dictated I did not take this path.

What happens when slot A doesn't fit into slot b? Probably a midlife crisis.

Repressed Sexuality

Sex is evil. Sex is bad. Don't do it until you're married. From my own perspective, being single is hard in fundamentalism. It's even harder being single when you're already 'damaged goods'. God throws thunder bolts from the sky at those who disobey his command to remain pure until marriage. Those who fornicate will forever lose a piece of their heart. They will never get it back. Masturbaters are filthy, dirty people who defile themselves. Ever hear a person give a testimony about how "They waited until marriage to lose their virginity?" I have. It was always served with a knowing smile and a side of smuggars jelly. A subtle reminder to those who hadn't waited. You're only a virgin once, so those who did it the right way can pass go and collect $200. Pious folks in the congregation know this. They will shove it in your face for the next 1000 years. I find it interesting that it's the women who usually boast this. In fact, this is something women would give a testimony about on Sunday nights. Why is always the women who waited? Shouldn't Brother Billy have to suffer the same oppression?

In conclusion, being a virgin is a wonderful, precious thing to hold on to. As long as it doesn't interfere with you having sex.

Bathsheba was a whore

I was not born into fundamentalism, therefore some customs were strange to me. Although no one forced me, I knew that modesty was expected of women. The separation of male & female was clearly defined. Men wear pants, women don't. Women sit down, shut up & go bake me some cookies.

When I was following fundamentalism, I really wanted to please the LORD. I rarely do anything half-assed, so I gave it my all & made the plunge to all dresses/skirts. It's funny how people treat you differently when you wear only dresses. Suddenly people become more solemn, more serious as if afraid they'll offend you somehow. I remember one of my co-workers asking in hesitant, hushed tones "...um...You don't, um, wear pants do you?" The sharp contrast made me uncomfortable around those were not of the same belief.

Women have a duty to adorn modest apparel, making sure not to bring male attention to the outside appearance. Unlike the female specimen, men have uncontrollable urges and lust in their eyes. Costly array & broided hair may cause the male fundie to eye-rape the woman. Therefore, it is her fault if she causes him to fall into temptation.
Shirt I was too convicted to wear in my fundie days.

J.O.Y. wonderful concept, dangerous practice

I'm back, baby! Let's just say I took some time out to um, er, reflect. Or perhaps after years of the single life, finally finding someone to um, er, reflect with. Yea, that's what it was.

Do you have JOY? The only true path to happiness is through Jesus 1st, Others 2nd Yourself last. To the average Jane Doe, this acronym probably sounds like a cutesy way to remember your manners. I have seen many a-proverbs-31-woman overwhelmed, overworked, overwithchilded, and overpatriarched. <-- yea, I made up two words, so what!!?

My fundamentalism became a systematic routine of pleasing others. At the expense of my own health, finances and sanity. Striving to appear a virtuous ruby in a sea of worldy cubic zirconium. A quiet suppression of emotions in order to live a life that I thought was 'pleasing to the saviour.'

I browse other fundamentalist blogs from time to time, and see the smiling faces on the big families. Prim, proper, neat. I often wonder what's behind the smile? Although I don't fault anyone living that type of life, some of those motherduggars are living a sugarcoated lie.

More on my budding womanhood

I spent about a half an hour yesterday trying to find a safety pin. Then it dawned on me...I knew where one would be. The very bottom drawer. Yep, there pinned onto my fundamentalist uniform was a safety pin. (For it is not good to look upon a woman's calves.) The safety pin doing its job of keeping men and their filthy, lustful eyes from beholding the evil curves and beholding the good curves. I wonder why I hold onto these old dresses? I pulled out another dress, that a friend had sewn for me. Will I ever have a reason to wear them? Will there ever be an event where jean pants say "lazy bum" and jean skirts say "productive trendsetter"? I think back to the time of my total conversion from pants to only skirts...About that time, my dating life also slipped into oblivion. Hmmm? I wonder why?

The following real life images may be too risque. BEWARE.





And in other news, Jennifer Knapp is a hottie!

Separate and Unware

One major difference between Fundamental Baptists and other forms of Christianity is separation of male & female. Men wear pants. Women don't. You can get a good idea of how involved a woman is if she is a dresses only kinda woman. If she has reached this stage, run away quick! Here are my 3 stages of fundamental womanhood:

At this point she is a casual observer. She is still an abomination because she is wearing men's garments & her hair is short & trendy. The men in the church secretly admire her because this is the closest they can get to looking at the buttocks maximus.

At this point her conscious is probably bothering her & she is feeling 'convicted'. She has started wearing dresses to church & major functions. However, she is only performing the minimum fundamental standard: a) dress just to the knee b) hair just long enough c) high heels for attracting the brethren. She also has weird grooming habits such as wearing makeup, doing her hair & bathing daily.


This is the last stage. At this point, abandon all hope. She is now wearing the dreaded dress to the cankles. She has stopped cutting her hair completely & now has split ends & fly aways. She's probably gained a few pounds, but doesn't notice since her dress covers a multitude of fatty sins. *Note the awesome use of tennis shoes & white socks with a dress.