Thinking makes my brain hurt

Have you ever asked someone a question about the Bible & got the run around? Here's a Christian's guide to answering those toughy's.

1) "You're taking that verse out of context." This is the easiest surefire way to settle a dispute. Nothing works better to twist the question into what fits your opinionate . Now you've trumped any comeback from the opposition!! Context is everything. I'm sure you read the word YES, but what the Bible really meant was NO. You just took it out of context.

2) "You have to go back to the Greek." Yea, baby, the Greek. Because no one around you speaks it, Yahsoo? Sure you joined Eye Phelta Thigh in college, & besides those 3 letters, you don't know alpha from omega. Saying you have to go back to the greek, ensures you can make use of that semester in your non-accredited Bible College. Just make sure the person you're talking to isn't named Yanni or Helen. Efharisto.

3) "That falls under Old Testament law." Yes, all scripture is profitable for doctrine & correction except the first 39 books. It's all just a bunch of begat this, begat that anyway, with some poetry in the middle. Oh, yea...& a whole bunch of killin'.

4) "That verse shouldn't be taken literally." Amen-a!! Now you can rationalize and make that verse work, baby. It can mean anything you need the person to believe. This works to keep the questionee in limbo. Now, all the fuzzy parts of the bible can be explained away & the bad parts can be all LOVE all the TIME.

5) "Talk about ANYTHING else." Just change the subject. If they weren't an heretick, they wouldn't be asking you stupid questions anyway! How dare they question you? Satan is a deciever & he needs to be cast down under your feet. No weapon formed against you shall prosper & you need to keep the devil cast down. Boomhallejahshakazulu!!