Saturday, April 17, 2010

Haters be hatin'

In the fundie world, there are two school of thoughts on your eternal destination: Heaven or Hell. That's right, it's either Yahweh or the Highway. It is this school of thought that causes the fundie to worry so much about your black, wretched, filthy, on-the-rag soul. I'm sure there are some sincere Christians out there, who truly believe they are doing God's will. Hurray for them! That's not what I'm ranting about. I'm here to rip on the zealots.

I distinctly remember the day my church wanted to go to the area college and do street preaching and/or hold signs. As my brain was now operating at 50% capacity, I gave that idea a resounding "Sheol No!" There was no way, I was going to be the idiot with the "REPENT NOW" sign.

You've seen this guy on the corner of 20th street. His exterior is an accident waiting to happen. He has a scruffy beard & looks like he hasn't seen a bar of soap since Jem was Truly, Truly Outrageous. He's holding up a hand written sign & mumbling to himself. Bad Samaritans cross to the other side of the street to avoid him.

Yea, no way in Sheol was that happening for me.

Nor was I in a hurry to be the pompass on the street. You've probably seen this type of zealot in bus stations or busy pedestrian intersections. Not content to stand passively with just a sign, this son of a biotech has a megaphone. He's shouting at the top of his lungs. Not the gospel, though. He just wants to pwn you. Since the bible & God are his authority, it's open season all you sinners. The good news:
You're going to hell. The bad news: You're going to hell. WHORE!

Yes sir! May I have another?


  1. "Yahweh or the Highway"!!!!!

    i couldn't stop laughing.... thanks for the good morning chuckle.

  2. Thanks, glad I can put a smile on your face! I replied to your email, too.