More on my budding womanhood

I spent about a half an hour yesterday trying to find a safety pin. Then it dawned on me...I knew where one would be. The very bottom drawer. Yep, there pinned onto my fundamentalist uniform was a safety pin. (For it is not good to look upon a woman's calves.) The safety pin doing its job of keeping men and their filthy, lustful eyes from beholding the evil curves and beholding the good curves. I wonder why I hold onto these old dresses? I pulled out another dress, that a friend had sewn for me. Will I ever have a reason to wear them? Will there ever be an event where jean pants say "lazy bum" and jean skirts say "productive trendsetter"? I think back to the time of my total conversion from pants to only skirts...About that time, my dating life also slipped into oblivion. Hmmm? I wonder why?

The following real life images may be too risque. BEWARE.





And in other news, Jennifer Knapp is a hottie!

Haters be hatin'

In the fundie world, there are two school of thoughts on your eternal destination: Heaven or Hell. That's right, it's either Yahweh or the Highway. It is this school of thought that causes the fundie to worry so much about your black, wretched, filthy, on-the-rag soul. I'm sure there are some sincere Christians out there, who truly believe they are doing God's will. Hurray for them! That's not what I'm ranting about. I'm here to rip on the zealots.

I distinctly remember the day my church wanted to go to the area college and do street preaching and/or hold signs. As my brain was now operating at 50% capacity, I gave that idea a resounding "Sheol No!" There was no way, I was going to be the idiot with the "REPENT NOW" sign.

You've seen this guy on the corner of 20th street. His exterior is an accident waiting to happen. He has a scruffy beard & looks like he hasn't seen a bar of soap since Jem was Truly, Truly Outrageous. He's holding up a hand written sign & mumbling to himself. Bad Samaritans cross to the other side of the street to avoid him.

Yea, no way in Sheol was that happening for me.

Nor was I in a hurry to be the pompass on the street. You've probably seen this type of zealot in bus stations or busy pedestrian intersections. Not content to stand passively with just a sign, this son of a biotech has a megaphone. He's shouting at the top of his lungs. Not the gospel, though. He just wants to pwn you. Since the bible & God are his authority, it's open season all you sinners. The good news: You're going to hell. The bad news: You're going to hell. WHORE!

Yes sir! May I have another?

Thinking makes my brain hurt

Have you ever asked someone a question about the Bible & got the run around? Here's a Christian's guide to answering those toughy's.

1) "You're taking that verse out of context." This is the easiest surefire way to settle a dispute. Nothing works better to twist the question into what fits your opinionate . Now you've trumped any comeback from the opposition!! Context is everything. I'm sure you read the word YES, but what the Bible really meant was NO. You just took it out of context.

2) "You have to go back to the Greek." Yea, baby, the Greek. Because no one around you speaks it, Yahsoo? Sure you joined Eye Phelta Thigh in college, & besides those 3 letters, you don't know alpha from omega. Saying you have to go back to the greek, ensures you can make use of that semester in your non-accredited Bible College. Just make sure the person you're talking to isn't named Yanni or Helen. Efharisto.

3) "That falls under Old Testament law." Yes, all scripture is profitable for doctrine & correction except the first 39 books. It's all just a bunch of begat this, begat that anyway, with some poetry in the middle. Oh, yea...& a whole bunch of killin'.

4) "That verse shouldn't be taken literally." Amen-a!! Now you can rationalize and make that verse work, baby. It can mean anything you need the person to believe. This works to keep the questionee in limbo. Now, all the fuzzy parts of the bible can be explained away & the bad parts can be all LOVE all the TIME.

5) "Talk about ANYTHING else." Just change the subject. If they weren't an heretick, they wouldn't be asking you stupid questions anyway! How dare they question you? Satan is a deciever & he needs to be cast down under your feet. No weapon formed against you shall prosper & you need to keep the devil cast down. Boomhallejahshakazulu!!