Satan hath desired to have you

My family is very religious. I was hanging with a relative of mine the other day when a religious song came on the radio. Since I already think christian music sucks, I changed the station. This invited an impromptu discussion about how I must be following Satan because of my rejection of all things christian. There you have it ladies & gentlemen: I'm a devil worshiper. This is the only logical conclusion since having no faith isn't an option in these here parts.

And in other news Mary Louise Parker is a hottie.

Higher Education is for Fools

One day god is going to destroy the entire earth, so all the treasures on this earth are in vain. No need to pursue any outside career that will provide for your retirement, medical care, vacation, children. Fundies obsession with the destruction & end of the world often comes at the expense of common sense. (I know, right?) Jesus is coming back, might be this very day. Therefore, it is totally unnecessary for you to waste your money in the Devils' Institution. Besides, that whole pile of money could be better used at the church house.

Some of the more Gung-Holy fundies unfortunately lack a total trust that god will take care of them. For them, it's off to Bible College. No mind that it is totally unaccredited. Gung-Holy will be content with doing the exact same job for the REST OF HIS LIFE, and will never be laid off, downsized, or lose business. Or, if they do choose a different path, employers don't care about that stuff anyway. As long as you 'feel a calling in your heart' to be surgeon, that appendectomy will come out just fine.

"Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last."

You had me at hello

Fundamentalist dating is for marriage only. Although they've been taught how evil the opposite sex is, they've been praying for a spouse since age 5. Satan has desired to have them, and if they want to leave the fold it will be through marriage.

Nothing is more pure & lovely than old fashioned courtin'. Since a fundy can only date another fundy, good luck if they live in a small town. Better get to a few conventions or singles conferences to check the merchandise of the sisteren or bretheren. Remember, items on sale or used items are never a bargain.

Chaperons are needed because despite the fact that the both of them are committed to purity, if left alone for 60secs both will surely fornicate each others brains out. In addition, the fundy must avoid all appearances of evil. If Mr. Right is seen alone with a girl, everyone one will assume he's laying a solid rock on her foundation.

All this protection is for the safety of 'guarding your heart'. During this courtship phase, physical contact is forbidden. Kissing and touching are evil. In fact, if you're doing it right, your first kiss and first time will be on your wedding day. No exceptions. From an awkward kiss at the alter to a bedroom fellowship session all in a couple of hours. But you prayed first, so surely goodness and mercy shall be had on the wedding night.

Happy Courtin'

J.O.Y. wonderful concept, dangerous practice

I'm back, baby! Let's just say I took some time out to um, er, reflect. Or perhaps after years of the single life, finally finding someone to um, er, reflect with. Yea, that's what it was.

Do you have JOY? The only true path to happiness is through Jesus 1st, Others 2nd Yourself last. To the average Jane Doe, this acronym probably sounds like a cutesy way to remember your manners. I have seen many a-proverbs-31-woman overwhelmed, overworked, overwithchilded, and overpatriarched. <-- yea, I made up two words, so what!!?

My fundamentalism became a systematic routine of pleasing others. At the expense of my own health, finances and sanity. Striving to appear a virtuous ruby in a sea of worldy cubic zirconium. A quiet suppression of emotions in order to live a life that I thought was 'pleasing to the saviour.'

I browse other fundamentalist blogs from time to time, and see the smiling faces on the big families. Prim, proper, neat. I often wonder what's behind the smile? Although I don't fault anyone living that type of life, some of those motherduggars are living a sugarcoated lie.